Cambridgeshire police detective gives frank account of tackling domestic abuse

As part of the 16 Days of Action to End Domestic Violence campaign - being supported by the Peterborough Telegraph - DC Amanda Pickering opened up about her role in a bid to give victims, who are considering speaking out, an insight into the support we provide once a report is made.

DC Pickering, who has worked to bring a number of domestic abusers to justice, hopes that by sharing her experience, it will give at least one victim the confidence to reach out and escape abuse.

“Meeting a victim of domestic abuse and not being able to recognise what they truly look like because of their tearful, bruised faces is desperately sad.

“Some are void of emotions and resigned as the abuse has happened so many times it’s just become the norm.

“Some simply don’t respond and stare blankly with a dismissive “there’s no point” perspective.

“Some are doubtful, totally confused and in a spin of emotions which they can’t unravel from.

“Watching them upset, hypervigilant and anxious telling their stories, while carrying misplaced guilt, is humbling.

“They tell me about their lives before the abuse began and the heart-breaking reality they have now come to live with.

“There’s simply no discrimination when it comes to abuse. It can happen to anyone. But sadly, it often remains hidden because of the fear of judgement and beliefs which prevent victims from speaking out.

“Many victims are surprised when they hear that anyone will believe them as some have had no voice for such a long time. But when we get involved, we give victims their voices back and want to hear everything.

“We listen for as long as it takes to understand their expectations and hopes for the future. For some this means meeting their needs of safety and justice. For others, who may not wish to proceed with a prosecution, this simply means giving them a route to freedom by helping to keep the abuser away.

“Building up trust between an officer like me and a victim is vital. When they ask questions and tell us their stories, we need to explain the complexities of domestic abuse.

“We hear stories about how at the beginning of the relationship it was fantastic, they were lovely and would message them all the time. We then weigh that up with the reality and explanation of “love bombing” – a method used to overwhelm, influence and manipulate victims.

“Or we hear about how behaviours turn and abusers become a Jekyll and Hyde type character where they will start to find faults in anything the victim does to undermine them and erode their confidence.

“These are just a couple of the methods we explain to victims to help them unravel their confusion.

“Once a victim begins to recognise they’ve been hoodwinked, they start to see more clearly. This can be incredibly painful as many still have feelings for the abuser. Others may not want to believe it or face the grief.

“For some, the toxicity of the relationship can be addictive and these familiar cycles then come to a halt. Letting go of the hope that it will get better and stopping depending on the abuser can be immensely difficult and some will return in the hope things will change.

“Unfortunately, we see repeat offenders over and over again, sometimes with the same victim and sometimes with others.

“But ultimately our job is to provide reassurance. We will never judge and will do all we can to care and reassure the victim.

“After we’re called out to an incident, victims are given the opportunity to record a video interview or a statement to capture the physical, psychological, emotional, financial or sexual abuse they have endured.

“The victim’s evidence is then recorded with the expectation of use at court. We will support victims throughout this process alongside partner agencies including witness care and Independent Domestic Violence Advisors.

“Throughout these months of the investigation, the victim will make a transition from victim to survivor.

“It’s the best feeling to watch the bruises heal and to see and hear what they look like without the abuse.

“Their self-confidence and worth, which was once eroded, now begins to reappear and flourish.

“They begin making positive decisions for themselves and their children and start looking ahead to a brighter future.

“Throughout my career, I’ve worked with a lot of high-risk victims, some of whom will tell you they didn’t like me at times and wished I would go away and told me so! But I have, and always will, strive to meet their expectations.

“I will always be proud to stand beside any victim who has the bravery, courage and strength to stand up to a monster and face their fears.

“Many victims still keep in touch with me and email me from time to time to keep me updated on how they’re doing and how their lives have changed for the better.

“I think these are all remarkable and resilient people who truly deserve real love.”

If you, or someone you know, is suffering abuse, please reach out to us and seek support. More information and advice can be found on Cambridgeshire police domestic abuse advice web pages.

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