Peterborough 999 call handler launches campaign to encourage fellow emergency workers to speak up about mental health

Ben Hawkins (22) has teamed up with mental health charity Mind and The Ambulance Staff Charity (TASC) to raise awareness about how the stresses of the job can affect workers in the emergency services.

Studies have shown that nine out of ten emergency service workers experience bad mental health at some point in their career and TASC have reported a 42% increase in the number of people receiving their mental health support. This only looks set to rise given the increased strains the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic is having on the profession.

Ben, who has first joined the ambulance service as a volunteer first responder four years, before progressing to an emergency dispatcher a year later, now works in the Bedford control room and is responsible for handling calls from right across the east of England. He also spends time as a volunteer responder in Folksworth. He believes that now is the time to encourage more people to speak out about their mental health.

He said: “We are in the most challenging times of our lives and we are taking more mental health calls than ever before. We also see and hear about more than most of the public in their lifetime. We witness the most horrific things but we just keep going because that’s just the job.

“Talking to people with suicidal thoughts is always extremely tough. I’ve had someone phone me up and tell me they’re going to jump in front of a train in 20 minutes time, what do you say to that? Each time we give all the help we can but who helps us?

“I think some see it as embarrassing to speak out and fear an ambulance will be called out to them. That is precisely the stigma we want to break.”

Ben has admitted to his own mental health struggles after going through a tough break up, followed by losing a close friend and colleague, Luke Wright, to suicide in November last year, on top of the pressures of the job.

He said: “You start to question yourself a lot after break ups and you start taking everything to heart and I want people to know that it isn’t the end of the world after a bad break up.

“I’s always been a strong independent person though who didn’t battle with any confidence issues, until I started to receive hate comments on social media related to this.

“I began to be afraid to leave the house even to go to the shops and experienced anxiety, chest pains, vomiting and palpitations, it was embarrassing to say the least. I would also arrive for my shift 40 minutes early and sit in the car mentally preparing myself the whole time before I went in.

“I denied being unwell though because I was a bubbly, happy outgoing person and I began to hide behind that mask. I became obsessed with making sure nobody suspected I wasn’t ok. Disbelief is the most common reaction when people find out about my mental health because they tell me I seem so happy.

“On November 11 2019, I received the call to tell me Luke had committed suicide and that changed my life. I was so full of anger, I became angry at everyone for no apparent reason.

“I blamed myself for taking time out prior to his suicide and deleting social media. I lost control of my emotions daily because there was always the ‘what if’. I truly believed I could have done more and, should I have not been so selfish to remove social media, then we would have messaged and I may have been there to stop him.

“At that time, I found myself in a very dark place. I guess you could describe it as a tunnel with no light. I kept powering through just desperate for that bit of light and the end somewhere. I carried on working and hiding my issues because I didn’t know what else to do.

“Following Luke’s death I found it increasingly difficult to take mental health calls. Very soon after, I took a call from someone who was suicidal and on the edge of a multi storey car park threatening to end his life. I did my job and organised some help for him but who was I to give him advice?

“For both of us we felt like there was no light in this tunnel. I guess you could say I stared death in the eyes this night. Following the call, I had come to the decision that it was entirely my fault that Luke had left me and convinced myself that I was ready to go.

“If it wasn’t for a good friend of mine then I wouldn’t be here today. I’ll never be able to thank her enough for cutting the rope from my neck to stop me taking my own life. This was not me, this wasn’t where I wanted to be I just couldn’t get out of the way I felt. I am incredibly lucky to be here today.”

It was at this point Ben knew that he had to get help and started by opening up to his manager, who put him in touch to the NHS’ crisis line and later a mental health nurse, who he has been working with over the last ten months. The help and support he has received since is why Ben has decided to tell his story and is encouraging others not to be afraid to do the same.

He added: “The best advice the crisis line gave me was to blast my favourite happy song that brings you a good memory and scream out the lyrics.

“I thought she was crazy to start with but what else did I have to lose? I tried it once and it worked so well that I ended up doing this every day. Doing this reminded me that there is happiness, It does still exist and I had just lost mine.

“I am still not 100 per cent I’m not back to whatever normal is yet but I’ve got the fight back and I want to be here. Next year I want to buy a house and I want to continue supporting staff and volunteers.

“It’s time we all stop hiding and be open about how we are feeling. Being mentally unwell doesn’t make me weak it actually makes me stronger because I have no secrets anymore.”

To find out more about Ben’s campaign, click here.