100 reasons to ignore ‘The Hundred’ is the task and ‘Trent Rockets sounds like a porn star’ is just the start

Jonny Bairstow is playing for Welsh Fire in the Hundred.

With the help of the office cricket nut Joel Lamy I tasked myself to come up with 100 reasons why the ECB’s ‘Hundred’ competition set to launch next year is such a dreadful idea.

We’ve made a start, but we are open to suggestions...

1) The team descriptions are nonsensical. ‘Spark the Welsh Fire’ for a team which is 2/3 represented by counties in England. Or: ‘Follow Southern Brave, and go boldly where others shy away. Endlessly curious, with an insatiable appetite for adventure, what’s over the horizon?’ What a load of twaddle.

2) England finally become 50-over world champions then reduce our domestic competition to 2nd XI teams

Joe Root is playing for the Trent Rockets in the Hundred.

3) Our Test batting will become more of a shambles thanks to a further degrading of the County Championship

4) The T20 Blast is already getting huge numbers with a number of counties regularly selling out. Imagine what it would do on free-to-air?

5) The Hundred could cost £40m, meaning the ECB is having to make cutbacks. Already its pace programme and overseas placements have been culled.

6) Other countries putting on similar competitions have lost money (South Africa) or are having to scale back (Australia), which doesn’t bode well long term.

7) Steve Smith and Lungi Ngidi have a higher base price than Andre Russell, Rashid Khan and Shakib Al Hasan which is ridiculous.

8) None of the head coaches are English.

9) There are huge conflicts of interest between the host counties and The Hundred teams. E.g. players might be lured to Test grounds due to promises of a franchise contract.

10) Smaller counties not hosting matches get shafted and may end up disappearing altogether. Including counties such as Leicestershire which have developed England internationals.

11) Youngsters will lose all affinity with counties and will only care about fake teams with no history.

12) County social media pages are already filling timelines with The Hundred rather than on their own teams. If I want news on the Trent Rockets I will follow their account.

13) Hearing commentators shout over-excitedly after every 50m six will only emphasise the fact that top broadcasters such as Gower and Botham have been ditched.

14) The playing kits are horrible.

15) Don’t be fooled by Test players promoting the competition. They will get huge salaries to play and they are just saying things to please their paymasters.

16) Every team sponsor is a foodstuff so obesity issues are relevant.

17) Proud Yorkshireman Joe Root (right) is playing for a Nottingham-based team.

18) Why is Root playing anyway? He should take every opportunity to rest and save himself for the serious cricketing occasions.

19) The team names are naff. Trent Rockets sounds more like a porn star than a cricket team.