A new ‘young and hungry’ candidate has emerged for the Peterborough United manager’s job.
He is confident he can improve the team’s dribbling skills and he will know why a player ‘spits his dummy out’.
Unfortunately James Noel Maloney won’t be featuring in any of the odds lists compiled by bookmakers and he’s unlikely to be granted an interview with chairman Darragh MacAnthony as he’s only four months old and can’t actually speak yet.
That hasn’t stopped the Posh baby applying for the post, possibly with the help of father Stuart, a fan of his local club for over 20 years.
Stuart said: “I have been a Posh fan for over 20 years. I have seen managers come and go. On Sunday I was taking my baby for a walk, we strolled down Glebe Road and I said to him are you going to apply for the Posh job? So, he did. I thought I’d send you a copy of the letter my son, James, posted to Darragh today.
Dear Mr. MacAnthony,
I am writing to apply for the vacant first team managerial position at The ABAX Stadium.
I am four months old, which means I have exactly the same amount of first team managerial experience as my predecessor.
I have decided to skip rolling over and move straight onto sitting up demonstrating I set unrealistic goals for myself. I am told this would align with yours and Mr. Fry’s ethos perfectly.
I am currently teething and my Daddy says that one will soon break through my gum. Therefore I am less toothless than your team’s strike force allowing me to lead by example.
I have recently taken steps to reduce both my morning and afternoon nap-times. By doing this I will be able to devote more time to turning Posh’s season around.
I am not quite up to standard with regards to reading. I have decided that this shortfall is a huge benefit as I will not be able to read criticism of me in the media.
I do have a tendency to spit my dummy out if I do not get my own way. However, this minor fault will allow you to use that old cliché in the press when it all goes wrong.
Furthermore I haven’t got the hang of decision-making yet although I am sure yourself and Mr. Fry will be happy to help pick the team.
I am aware you go for young and hungry managers. Well, I am very young and I have just moved up to eight ounce bottles at feeding time. In fact at bedtime my Mummy and Daddy have started giving me Cow & Gate Infant Milk For Hungrier Babies – you will be hard pushed to find a hungrier candidate.
There is just one thing. My bedtime is 7pm, which means we will have to rearrange our evening kick-offs. I’m sure the Football League will understand and some middle ground can be found. I get grouchy around 5pm but I am positively chipper first thing so maybe we could suggest morning kick-offs? We shouldn’t worry about such trivialities at the moment as we have plenty of time to work out the logistics of my job role in the future.
Darragh, let’s speak man to baby. Anyway, I’m sure you’ll agree these qualities make me an ideal appointment at Posh. I look forward to receiving an offer from you.
My references are my Mummy and Daddy. They say I am generally a very good boy.
Thank you for your time, Mr. Chairman.
James Noel Maloney
Future Manager of Peterborough United Football Club.