REVIEW: The Apprentice - Peterborough’s Joseph steals the show

Joseph Valente
Joseph Valente
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The Apprentice is back on our screens and for the second year running Peterborough has provided another would-be tycoon in the shape of plumbing boss Joseph Valente.

The pre-publicity blurb had promised this would be the toughest series yet which fans will know is code for “this is the biggest set off egotists, show offs and, frankly, idiots, we have so far assembled’’,

Joseph had the honour of being the first contestant introduced to the viewers.

He told the watching millions: “I want the cars, I want the girls, but most of all I want the power.’’

The power eh? So he’s a plumber, but he wants to be an electrician.

Joseph’s starring role continued in the opening boardroom scene with Lord Sugar singling him out for his CV claim that he was a “master of persuasion with the women’’ and revealing that Hugh Hefner was his role model.

This was all met with sniggering from his fellow contestants, although Lord Sugar’s right hand woman Karen “The Baroness’’ Brady seemed impressed.

The team’s first task was to choose a name and disappointingly Joseph didn’t push for Team Centrefold. Somebody in his team came up with Sugarbabes but even Joseph wasn’t having that.

On to the tasker proper and the teams headed to Billingsgate Fish Market to pick up bargains to sell as lunchtime delicacies to folk in the City.

In the kitchen Joseph showed he was prepared to get his hands dirty- perhaps his experience of being a plumber came in handy.

Then it was sell, sell, sell time - or in the case of his fellow team member, Desperate Dan, do anything but sell time.

Joseph ended up oh the losing side. His team made just £1.87 profit which as most of them are promising to making millions for Lord Sugar was not the best of starts.

But things were not too bad for our boy as Lord Sugar revealed Joseph was the top salesman on his team. And if there’s one thing Lord Did I Mention I Started Out As A Market Trader Sugar likes and that’s a salesman.

So Joseph was safe from the dreaded index finger, at least for the first show.

Desperate Dan, who made the old Harry Enfield character Tim Nice But Dim seem like a nasty piece of work with the brain the size of Stephen Hawking’s got the chop.

“I can’t cook, I can’t sell,’’ he pleaded.

He tried to appear angry at getting the boot but couldn’t even pull that off.

It was a pretty good start for Joseph although perhaps all we can be certain of us is that he’s not the biggest idiot on the show.

Do you think I’m being a bit harsh?

In the kitchen one of Joseph’s fellow contestants was heard to ask: “Are these onions?”.

His village must be missing him.