SWANNY'S WORLD OF SPORT: Farcical Formula One can no longer be classed as a sport and pointless English lessons

Sebastian Vettel won the Australian Grand Prix.

Lewis Hamilton wasn’t beaten by a better driver or even by a faster car. No, he was beaten because of a computer malfunction in the Mercedes base in Melbourne which made a costly four-second timing error, proving once and for all that technology is far more important than sporting skill. Driverless cars can’t be far away.

NO NEED TO CHEAT V ENGLAND

The Aussie cheating scandal was a godsend for the poorly coached England team. But let’s face it, no-one needs to cheat to beat our bunch of no-hopers.

NO LESSONS LEARNT ABOUT ENGLAND

So what did we learn from the England friendly internationals? Not a lot really apart from Jesse Lingard’s improvement as a footballer and the fact that Joe Hart won’t be missed at the World Cup in Russia.

We also know Jordan Henderson is no midfield playmaker and all the tippy-tappy, play-it-out-from-the-back prettiness won’t amount to much without a more gifted link between midfield and attack.

A better team than Italy would have been two up at Wembley inside 15 minutes thanks to the dopiness of John Stones and co. Stones needs telling he isn’t Franz Beckenbauer. He isn’t even Rio Ferdinand. He’s a Manchester City reserve.

And Holland were as hopeless as you’d expect with Ronald Koeman as manager.