All the right moves will yield £7m

I moved frequently as a child as my father chased work in the coal mines of South Yorkshire – I think I had something like ten schools and twelve houses before I started my first proper job.

Every bit of upping sticks was a nightmare, from the constant gloop of woodchip wallpaper dripping down your arms, to the mind numbing monotony of packing and unpacking boxes, all carried out to the soundtrack of arguments and disagreements.

Things go missing, stuff gets broken and nobody can ever decide rationally where the lamp is going or who is having the box 
room.

Whether you are doing it yourself or hiring Pickfords and the chimps from the PG Tips advert to shift your belongings, it is guaranteed to be painful – “Cooee Mr Shifter.”

I just hope that the council’s “Midnight flit” to 
Fletton Quays goes smoothly and does in fact save the 
£7m (over 25 years) that they say it will – after all we have been promised huge savings at the till before and ended up being short changed.

I am sure that in these straitened times they will be taking the tables, chairs, carpets, computers and blue sky thinking sofas with them and that everyone at the Town Hall will be chipping in to save on removal costs.

After all it’s only a short trip over Town Bridge so we can pop Gillian Beasley’s brass rubbings onto Charlie Swift’s handlebars, shove some tables into the Mayoral limo and strap the various portraits of Marco Cereste on to Councillor Fitzgerald’s back. If he gets an itch then Councillor Hiller can scratch it for him.

The Lib Dems could do the packing with Councillor Sandford wrapping all the delicate items in his countless Xmas jumpers, whilst Councillor Fower can organise an online poll regarding the best biscuit for a tea break – Kit Kat or Twix? Vote now.

Some of the larger items could be taken by boat to Fletton Quays by the Labour councillors, although they may take a while to get there, as the Labour ship appears to be struggling for direction at the moment – Councillor Forbes wants to go one way, Councillor Murphy, the polar opposite.

Councillor Seaton can buy the sweets and the treats for the journey from Poundland as he apparently has a loyalty card, whilst UKIP’s Frances Fox can organise the switching of the utilities to a 
non-European owned provider.

Nobody ever remembers the Xmas decorations in the loft, so once they have all vacated the premises, I will stick that strange Christmas tree on ebay and use the money raised to fund the cancelled Tour series cycling event, before calling All Bar One and arranging a liquor licence for the place.

The new watering hole could have pictures of former mayors on the walls and themed drinks – Keith Sharp’s Doom Bar, John Peach’s Snapps and Paula Thacker’s Old Cracker, are just some of the delights that spring to mind.

Now all the new Town Hall bar needs is a name – The Three Foxes perhaps or Marco’s Return?