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FRENCH ON FRIDAY 23/05/03: Gypsy Comedy, Bad taste waistcoats and £1000 underpants
IT was the usual fun and games at Peterborough Rugby Club's annual dinner on Friday night.
IT was the usual fun and games at Peterborough Rugby Club's annual dinner on Friday night.Chilcott cheesed off
IT was the usual fun and games at Peterborough Rugby Club's annual dinner on Friday night.
Funniest moment was undoubtedly provided by the comedian . . . yet he wasn't even funny!
Barry Cheese was his name and halfway through his act he started telling gypsy jokes. After a couple, he courteously asked: ''There aren't any gypsies in tonight are there?''
And to his horror, one real hard-looking geezer put his hand up. It was chief guest Gareth Chilcott, the enormous England and British Lions prop!
"My dad had 13 brothers and was a fairground worker," revealed Gareth. "I'm from travelling stock – that's gypsies to you."
Cheese, to no-one's surprise, didn't hang around after the offical proceedings.
Worst waistcoat
SEVERAL people were the subject of mickey-tacking upon arrival.
Mark 'Pork Chop' Carter turned up with his backside hanging out of his trousers – they split as he got out of the car – and tartan army boys (Rob McIntyre, Nick Thomas and Dougie Dodds) wore white socks, money-belts and skirts.
Prize for the most hideous outfit though belonged to Roger Paton. Nothing wrong with his suit (apart from the fact that he grew out of it about 20 years ago) – just the multi-coloured waistcoat underneath it.
It was a cross between a pile of puke and an even bigger pile of puke, decorated with Smarties.
Champ of the week
Rob Morley who offered to donate a wedge to charity.
"1,000 for your underpants, Gareth?" he yelled during the auction.
Chump of the week
Chilcott – for ignoring the bid. "Obviously didn't have any underpants on," assumed Morley.
It's worth repeating
When Roger Paton came in with his next-door neighbour and said he needed cheering up because he'd just been made redudant, John Sismey was quick to reply: "Well it's no good talking to me then, I get married tomorrow!"
Ade lapped it up
AND while we're on the subject of Sismey, all those players who accompanied him on his stag day out in Leicester the previous weekend were quick to tell tales.
"He was a right mess. He fell asleep in his curry and had to go to bed at 7.30pm. What a whimp," reported one super-grass.
That meant Sismey missed the highlight of the trip – Ade James doing a spot of lap-dancing in a nightclub.
The informant, a big fat fella who answers to the name of Flo, told me: "Michael Heath paid Ade 20 to do some lap-dancing. You can use it because Heathy doesn't live round here any more and won't see the paper and Ade's already told his missus."
Other highlights
AMAZING GRACE: David Bath set a world record for saying grace.He thanked the Lord for everything from ladies rugby to the club's very own Chateau Fengate.
PULLING POWER: Paul Hydes and Irene Hanley took 2,500 over the bar and sold over 100 bottles of Chateau Fengate.
STAYING POWER: Neil Duffield and Stefan Arlow did the lot – 6pm start in O'Neills, dinner, clubbing, bath back at the club, fried breakfast and back to O'Neills for a hair of the dog at 11am.
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Sunday 12 February 2012
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