Excuse me if I don’t join in the biggest over-the-top reaction to the winning of a football trophy since 1966.
There are many reasons why Leicester City’s Premier League triumph is not a joyous occasion for all of us, even if it is impossible not to like manager Claudio Ranieri.
1) Last summer I tweeted ‘What a rubbish appointment. Ranieri will now have the honour of going down with Leicester in 2016.” Cleverer people than me made the same prediction and now we are all suffering at the hands of dedicated Twitter trolls. I just hope they don’t find my January column when I stated Leicester wouldn’t finish in the top four.
2) It’s a fact all minor celebrities will try hard to personalise what they see as a great story. Gary Lineker has been at it with Leicester all season, reminding us all that a) he used to play for them when they were useless and b) that he supports them along with Spurs, Everton and Barcelona.
It’s not about you Lineker. Just stick to reading your awful puns off an autocue. And please don’t present Match of the Day in your underpants as threatened. You’re an irritating enough distraction on the show as it is.
3) Robert Huth is a dirty, conniving footballer who remarkably is to collect a third Premier League winners medal. Huth is over six feet in height and built like a WWE wrestler which might be why he’s been ‘clothes lining’ opponents in the penalty area all season. Huth was also caught pulling an opponent’s hair last weekend which is the act of a girl not a man. Pathetic.
4) Jamie Vardy used to play in non-league you know. He also almost signed for Posh. You’d have to be living on Mars not to know either of these facts, but at every Leicester game this season we are reminded of the former. Boring.
Less time is spent discussing Vardy’s diving, finger-pointing and his casual racism in a casino which is a shame. He’s clearly not a nice bloke, never mind a decent role model.
5) Leicester ran away from their £30m debts in 2002 by falling into administration. They’ve avoided paying them since even though they are now fabulously wealthy. They owe St John’s Anbulance servive £16k. Shameful.
6) I’ve become sick of celebrating Cobblers fans polluting my Twitter timeline for the last six months. Now I have to put up with celebrating Leicester fans. Two places 40 miles from my home so I can’t like them never mind support them. Thank the lord MK Dons were relegated.
7) Talk of a film charting Leicester and Vardy’s success is doing my head in. Who’s going to play Huth? Hulk Hogan?
8) Naturally the bone idle parts of our national media have labelled Leicester’s title win as the greatest sporting story of all time. It’s not even the best football story in the history of the East Midlands. Nottingham Forest won the top flight in 1978-79, a season after finishing third in the old Division Two and backed it up with a couple of European Cup wins.
Ipswich won the the old First Division in 1961-62 at their first attempt. They are bigger achievements than a Leicester City with no distractions managed this season.
9) Amazing how many Leicester fans have rushed to tell us they backed their favourite team to win the Premier League at odds of 5,000/1. No-one likes a braggard, particularly one with wealth earned by a lucky guess.
10) Leicester will be remembered as the worst Premier League champions of all-time. A negative, unattractive presence who will in all probablilty embarrass the country and stink out the Champions League next season.
And, to respond to the inevitable criticisms I am bound to receive, yes I am bitter and twisted, I know Posh are ‘tinpot’ and not as good as Leicester and I’m a small-time hack who can’t be any good or I wouldn’t be working for the Peterborough Telegraph,
And I wanted Spurs to win the league.