Strictly Come Dancing.
The requirements are fast feet, the ability to throw good body shapes and the possession of outrageous manoeuvres.

George Boyd it is then, although Barry Fry could play the John Sargeant role of cheeky-chappie, but hopeless, underdog.

Jade Goody PA
Judging by his scores in the players' quiz in the matchday programme, Jamie Day would be a candidate on the basis that he wouldn't dominate Goody intellectually.

Day scored 1/20 in his first two rounds, his big moment arriving when he was asked which of the seven dwarfs never spoke. "I know that because it's my own nick-name," said Dopey.

Celebrity Scissorhands
A safe pair of hands is essential for the show set in a hair-dressers so it can only be Joe Lewis, although he he'd need the skills of Vidal Sassoon to make Craig Mackail-Smith, George Boyd or Sergio Torres presentable.

Wife Swap
We're not sure about this one, but we're pretty confident most would want to swap with Tom Williams or Chris Whelpdale, who is dating the face of ESP.

Big Brother
The ability to do nothing for hours on end in the company of talentless clowns would seem to suit Scott Rendell, now that he's moved back to Cambridge United.

Location, Location, Location
Darragh MacAnthony has shifted properties all over the world at a rate Kirsty Allsop and Phil Spencer wouldn't recognise. He's even managed to make Peterborough Embankment more attractive by suggesting a new football stadium there.

The Apprentice
The show for those who want to learn at the feet of the master. Dominic Green it is then.

Trinny and Susannah Undress
The fashion police would be more than welcome to sort Joe Lewis out. He wears shorts in the middle of winter.