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Peter Rook: Standing alone as a single-parent


Memoirs of a MADman* - 15/09/08

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Published Date:
15 September 2008
Last week I wrote about how the achievements of local Olympic hero Louis Smith had been forged in the bosom of a family with a single mum at the helm.
The 19-year-old from Eye's sporting success (a gymnastics bronze medal) was due in no small part to the love and dedication of single mum Elaine Petch.

But it will take a long time before people's perceptions of single mums alter.

Our slightly skewed and pre-conceived views extend to mothers who make a conscious choice to stay single and bring up their kids on their own without a man on the scene (you see, I'm not such a misogynist).

Allow me to enlighten.

The singleton status of a middle-aged divorced man (MADman) can be viewed as rather glamorous.

A man who stands alone is Clint Eastwood in the Spaghetti Westerns, he's a lone wolf, a hedonist and good-time guy, who lives a life of self-fulfilment, indulgence and we dismiss his infantile excesses as merely a mid-life crisis.

The truth, of course, may be very different and far from glamorous. However, in the realm of public perception, the facts don't tend to matter too much.

Even if the recycled bachelor's pad is a squalid studio flat in some ropey part of Peterborough. If he's divorced and living alone, the assumption is often one of: "He had the right idea".

His friends will congratulate him on managing to shake off the ball and chain.

Why on earth would he want to go back to the nagging and the DIY store trips and… etc? Right?

A middle-aged man who rejects the notion of another relationship is somehow considered strong, resolute and independent.

A woman, on the other hand, who makes such a decision is perceived not as strong and independent, but obstinate and, quite frankly, a bit odd.

A divorced woman with children who makes a such life choice is likely be treated with a degree of derision and suspicion.

Over time, they will come to be seen as stubborn, difficult, unyielding and possibly harbouring man-hating tendencies. The assumption is that they have erected a shield around their emotions through fear of getting hurt again.

What nonsense. Instead of being derided, single mums who make a choice to stay single are simply putting their kids first and making a conscious choice to dedicate their precious time, love and affection to their children.

They are also avoiding the possible pitfalls of bringing another man into their settled existence – another man who could, over time, become a surrogate father figure to her children and then let them down just like the last one did.

I happen to think that, set against such a background of potential upheaval, staying single is a sound, sensible choice.

The full article contains 475 words and appears in Peterborough ET newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • Last Updated: 16 September 2008 10:00 AM
  • Source: Peterborough ET
  • Location: Peterborough
 
 

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