The husband looks up from his newspaper and replies "Well I can say your eyesight's damn near perfect dear." Boom, boom.

What this gag illustrates is that men are generally not very good at paying people compliments, whether they be male or female.

I hate to break it to you, but at some point in your resurrection from divorced middle-aged man to new millennium lover, you will have to learn how to say something nice to a woman and mean it (see also my columns on speed dating).

I say "learn", because this is something you may not have done since you were a callow, zit-encrusted youth serenading the object of your first school playground affection.

It's also because it's not something that necessarily comes au naturel to us reserved, rather cynical, British men.

This is because men never pay compliments to other men.

They show their admiration for their male friends and colleagues by, conversely, ripping the pee out of them.

"Are those your new trousers? Been raiding your dead uncle Joe's wardrobe again?"

Actually, that's a bit too witty for most men. It will go something like: "Are those your new trousers?

They make you look gay."

Strange as it may seem, this actually translates as "nice pair of strides, mate".

I guess you could say it's a form of reverse psychology, but it has more to do with the fact that a bloke does not want to be considered a right Jessie.

Most men would argue that compliments are for girls (the male of the species has not really come a long way, has it?).

A woman, on the other hand, can compliment another woman free from such Neanderthal-esque concerns.

"Those shoes are lovely. I must get a pair. Where did you get them?" has the odorous whiff of insincerity. The woman paying the compliment would probably not be seen dead in them, but at least it's polite and civilised.

On the other hand, if a man were to say to another man "I really like your shoes", this would be followed by an uneasy, awkward silence.

So you see it's not easy for a man to pay compliments (please take note ladies).

We are not schooled or skilled in the process in the same way that a woman is.

This explains why when a man says to a woman "you have beautiful shoes" it sometimes comes across as "I have a foot fetish and I really want to sleep with you tonight, please take pity on me."