Julia Ogden: Supernanny and the responsibility of parenthood
I DON'T know about you, but sometimes I am overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a parent. At the end of the day all you can is try your best, and do what you hope is right, but sometimes self doubt can creep in.
I DON'T know about you, but sometimes I am overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a parent. At the end of the day all you can is try your best, and do what you hope is right, but sometimes self doubt can creep in.I do worry that something I might say or do, with the best of intentions, could have a massive negative impact on my son.
Like most parents, all I want is for Samuel to be a happy, rounded individual – someone who is confident and kind. As admirable as this is, some parents can try too hard to make life perfect for their children, and their good intentions can backfire.
The other evening, quite by chance, I happened to turn on the television to see Supernanny, Jo Frost, in action.
She was helping a family who were literally being terrorised by their nine-year-old daughter.
Both the mother and the father seemed frightened of their own child. They bent over backwards to stop her having temper tantrums, in which she bit, kicked and hit them.
It transpired that the parents had lost a little boy at three-months and had thought they couldn't have any more children, miraculously a year or so after their loss they had a baby girl.
The mother admitted she was so delighted about having another child, her maternal instincts went into overdrive and she ended up basically becoming the little girl's slave. At the age of nine, the youngster did absolutely nothing for herself. Her mother still cut up her food, bathed her, cleaned her teeth, brushed her hair, choose her clothes, etc, etc.
Consequently the little girl was becoming more and more frustrated – stiffled by her parents' love – hence the violence.
I was deeply moved by this programme, even though I find Supernanny incredibly irritating she was able to help this family see the error of their ways and worked really hard to improve everyone's life.
I think what upset me the most was the fact I could completely understand why the parents had behaved in the way they did.
It is hard sometimes for us to cut the apron strings and allow our children to become their own person.
Of course, it is important for our kids to learn to look after themselves, but how much independence do you give them and when?
I am trying really hard at the moment to stop picking up after my son and to make him understand that the house does not stay tidy all by itself. I believe he is now at an age where he should help with some household chores. Consequently most Saturday mornings I give him a few jobs to do – in particular polishing the downstairs rooms, while my husband hoovers and I bleach the kitchen and bathrooms.
I am trying hard to ignore the fact I am getting through a canister of polish every week and my house wreaks of Mr Sheen, because at least he is trying.
I have to confess, however, I do sometimes just want to take the polish off him and tell him not to bother, but I keep thinking about the future and the fact that his wife/partner will thank me for my perservance... I hope. Wish me luck.
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Thursday 18 March 2010
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