Alan Swann: on David Moyes, Tim Howard and The Ashes
I would imagine Sunday's FA Cup semi-final has destroyed any chance David Moyes had of taking over from Sir Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United.
I would imagine Sunday's FA Cup semi-final has destroyed any chance David Moyes had of taking over from Sir Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United.What a witless, dull, predictable, unattractive side Everton are. Faced with a Manchester United reserve side they still refused to break out from their one-tactic trick of spoiling more talented opponents while hoping to score themselves from a set-piece.
United were allowed to dominate play and would have won, but for a poor refereeing decision.
At least Moyes has learned from Ferguson how to pile pressure on officials, but he's failed to learn how to produce a side anyone outside of Goodison Park would want to watch.
Moyes' Everton are boring. Sunday's result was a dreadful one for football watchers, unless you are a Chelsea fan.
On next page: Swanny's fanmail
And did you all notice how far Everton keeper Tim Howard was off his line when making his crucial penalty saves in the shoot out?
A damn sight further than Posh keeper Joe Lewis moved when saving two Millwall spot-kicks on Easter Monday. Sadly the comedy assistant referee at The New Den decided to use a much different interpretation of the law.
I am convinced more than ever that this 'respect' campaign was a gimmick only introduced because the powers that be recognised that refereeing standards have become unbelievably dire.
Posh had a Premier League referee at London Road on Saturday who was dreadful, but still better than one of the clowns with a flag in his hand.
I wouldn't trust some of the officials I've seen on my travels this season to tell the time.
In fact judging by the amount of added time on Saturday (two minutes in the second half when there were four substitutions plus a three-minute, and hopelessly inaccurate, attempt to sort out where a free-kick should be taken) some of them can't.
Mickey Mouse is probably out there somewhere wearing Lee Probert's watch.
I nearly fell off my chair when I read that the winner of the World Snooker Championships will collect 250,000.
That has to be most over-inflated cheque since Emile Heskey's last transfer.
So that's The Ashes gone again then. The man who oversaw the Carribean debacle against one of the worst West Indian sides in memory has been rewarded with a full-time 'director of cricket' post.
Andy Flower was in charge for a Test series defeat caused by muddled selection and negative declarations and a one-day series win which only arrived courtesy of a lack of counting ability in the West Indian camp.
The Aussies, a pretty average side by their own lofty standards, must be laughing their heads off.
Player of the Year nominations prove footballers are thick
FURTHER proof that footballers are thick arrives with the nominations for the Players' player of the year award. Either that or they are all Manchester United fans.
Five United players have made the top six. Liverpool inspiration Steve Gerrard (left) is the odd man out and should win it for carrying average performers like Dirk Kuyt and Xabi Alonso close to winning something.
As for the others I'll accept Rio Ferdinand as a contender as recent United performances have shown that he is the key man in the entire Old Trafford squad. Dimitar Berbatov should take note that it is possible to stroll around and still contribute.
Nemanja Vidic is also listed and yet is usually rubbish when Rio is absent, while the inclusion of preening, posturing Cristiano Ronaldo is clearly some sort of joke, unless sulking is now seen as a positive attribute.
Ryan Giggs is presumably in the running as some sort of reward for his lengthy, loyal career. He doesn't start half the matches and he's managed an entire three goals.
And as for Edwin Van Der Saar, words fail me. United kept so many clean sheets because they have had a defence powerful enough, when Ferdinand is playing, to protect an aging, flapping keeper – I doubt the Dutchman has produced one match-winning display all season.
Shay Given's one-man attempt to keep Newcastle up was more worthy (although he did tarnish his reputation by confusing ambition for money when taking Manchester City's Arabian dollars) and what about the efforts of nine-foot Fulham donkey Brede Hangeland, Everton rock Phil Jagielka and Chelsea's ever-present, ultra-consistent goal-scoring midfielder Frank Lampard.
Clearly they all play for the wrong club.SWANNY'S FANMAIL
Swanny you are a legend! You are the master of the wind up and the funniest thing is seeing how many people react!
Long may you continue to grace the pages of the ET!
The Admiral
I came across your columns while checking out the local news from my hometown. I left Peterborough when I was about 10 years old and moved to Canada.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading them all, as you and I definitely think and write alike.
The columns definitely put the overpaid professional prima donnas in their place and most fans think along the same lines.
However, nobody over here really has the guts to write it and the newspapers don't have the creativity to publish these types of columns.
Ian S. Palmer
Editor
SportsXpress Magazine
The Luton fan said: "We'll be sure to remember your inflated self-opinion and arrogance when you're on the way back down."
What goes around comes around. We're simply remembering the inflated self-opinion and arrogance in the away end at London Road in 1997.
You can have your revenge in 2021.
Oddjob
Ahhh – more words of wisdom from Peterborough's very own Alan Partridge.
What with you carrying the torch for fair play in the world's foremost local newspaper, and Ady Durham on the radio, you really do make Cheaterborough fans look like a bunch of narrow-minded prats.
Tim Lovejoy
Appreciation Society
Well done Swanny – spot on about Jeff Stelling/Gary Lineker. Stelling is a hero! Spot on about local football too, that's REAL football.
To be fair though, Luton are very unlucky to be where they are as they're a bigger club than Posh (for now) and their time will come.
The Fool on The Hill
Spot on Swanny, where will the 38,000 Luton Town fans be when the club really needs them. In fact where were they before their game at Wembley?
Anyone that appears to hate Leeds United as much as I do, must be a decent bloke.
One of the worst clubs in the land for living in the past and thinking they're better than they are.
I hope they rot in mediocrity for ever.
Posh We Are
I am a fair weather angler and I was wondering what bait you use as you have caught some monsters from the footballing backwaters of Luton and Leeds recently.
Paul (Poshman)
Yaxley
Listen you Luton fans – stop living in the past. You used to be a big club, not any more.
I'm sure watching non-league football will bring you down to earth. I hope you have no luck in the basement of football.
Well done Swanny, you're a legend.
Nick Bev
Alan, put your money where your rather considerable mouth is.
How much do you want on whether we take over 380 to Crawley or not next season?
Simon Arnold
Waterlooville
On behalf of all thoughtful lovers of sport in Peterborough, I sincerely thank the three heroic individuals who captured the ridiculous Swann wandering along Bourges Boulevard and making a nuisance of itself.
I hope the RSPCA will keep it caged for the rest of its life and never let it return to desecrate the pages of The Evening Telegraph again.
John Shearman
Alma Road
Email to a friend
Print this page - Popular
- Most comments
- Most shared
Looking for...
Featured advertisers
Local pages
Looking for a...
Jobs
Search for a job
Motors
Search for a car
Property
Search for a house
Weather for Peterborough
Thursday 18 March 2010
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: 2 C - 8 C
Wind Speed: 14 Knots
Wind direction: North west
Tomorrow
Sunny spells
Temperature: 2 C - 10 C
Wind Speed: 18 Knots
Wind direction: North west
Your view
Please sign in to be able to comment on this story.