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Mark Grist: The Perfect Tenner - on sick days
Well, the most depressing day of the year has passed. Thousands of us were off ‘sick’ on Monday.
And I was one of them. As a freelance artist, I can’t really afford to have time off. Even so, I spent Friday through until Tuesday off sick – properly off sick. I was coughing and phlegmy and whiney and everything.
Now, I’m the first to admit that I’m an embarrassment when I get ill. I moan and mope about the place, demanding (and failing to get) sympathy from anyone and everything, as if I’m some kind of war hero just because I clambered out of bed.
Not this time though. I figured I’d use my tenner this week to tackle my illness head on. I chucked my childhood blanket in the washing basket (shut up) and headed to the shop.
So, what can you get for a tenner to help combat manflu?
First off, I got some kind of Lemsip knockoff. This was the backbone of my regime, along with some soluble aspirin, which (I’d been told) you could mix up with water and then gargle to reduce a sore throat. They were right. Both of these were dirt cheap – I managed to get them for under 2 quid, and I found them invaluable. Although the Lemsip thing was a very worrying neon colour (pretty sure it’s what they put in glowsticks) they both served me very well indeed.
Secondly, I picked up Covonia. My family swears by the stuff. If you haven’t heard of it, get it. It turns self-medication into some kind of daredevil event. It’s hideous, basically. A satisfyingly painful cough medicine that us Grists have taken for as long as I can remember. Having checked the ingredients, it turns out that it’s also a 7% alcohol, which might be one of the reasons it knocked me out so well as a child.
Alcoholism sated, I also got a load of Halls Soothers for when I was out and about. Man, I don’t like these. The initial taste is alright, but by the end my mouth just felt really numb. And not in a Covonia, ‘kicking your teeth in’ way. Just a kind of yucky lingering antiseptic taste.
The final expenses were less medicinal. I got some bubble bath, which I made use of several times (candles being optional) and a load of hot chilies – which I attempted to add to various meals. Note – surprisingly good with beans on toast! I also picked up some tissues (kitchen roll doesn’t quite feel the same) and a HUGE bottle of orange squash.
And I tell you, that squash was hammered hard. My Dad always used to say ‘If you’re ill, you should drink lots of liquids’ (as if you’d drink anything else) and it’s an essential part of my sickly routine. Plus, it meant that I was always active as I kept having to head to the loo. Lovely, eh?
Above everything else, the best thing I got in was definitely a copy of Viz. It pushed me over my limit (by 70p), but I don’t care. I needed comforting, and having driven all friends and family away with my whining, I needed a friend (of sorts). Plus, it was a friend that I could sneeze all over and he’d still soak it up.
If you’ve got any interesting manflu cures, feel free to post them online – share your medical knowledge with the rest of us – I’d love to find some more flu treatment suggestions.
The weirder the better.
Send your ideas for Mark to make the most of our city on just a tenner a week to: eteditor@peterboroughtoday.co.uk
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Weather for Peterborough
Saturday 26 May 2012
Today
Sunny
Temperature: 11 C to 23 C
Wind Speed: 18 mph
Wind direction: East
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Sunny
Temperature: 11 C to 23 C
Wind Speed: 16 mph
Wind direction: East
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