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Alan Swann’s World of Sport: on England’s pathetic capitulation in the cricket and Posh failing to turn up against Portsmouth
World of Sport with Alan Swann.
WELL that was one of the saddest Saturdays of my life in sport.
I watched England’s pathetic capitulation in the cricket in the morning and spent 90 minutes in the afternoon waiting for Posh to turn up. They didn’t.
The cricket was stunning in completely the wrong way. The best team in the world, allegedly, batted with so little intelligence and aggression against a pair of dibbly-dobbly slow bowlers, I thought Geoff Boycott had been hired as batting coach for the day.
If sitting back in the crease and waiting to get given out lbw was the tactic it worked a treat. It was embarrassing in the extreme and it’s surely time to bomb a few of them out of the side, at the very least to give them a wake-up call.
Eoin Morgan clearly lacks the technique for tricky Test cricket and should be discarded forthwith, Kevin Pietersen has been rendered important by the introduction of technology to assist umpires (the two in this game were quite brilliant anyway) and lacks the brain-power to adapt, while Ian Bell looks like he’d struggle to buy a run if they were on sale in Sainsbury’s.
Get rid of them all. Bring Bopara in and get Andy Flower and Graham Gooch to play as well, they couldn’t possibly to do any worse.
I’VE seen a few tweets from Graeme Swann which I presume are in preparation for his post-cricket career as a comedian (don’t do it Graeme, you are not half as funny as you think you are).
But I’m still waiting for the tweet explaining why he was the only slow bowler who failed to look a threat during the Abu Dhabi Test.
AND on to Posh. What a miserable 90 minutes experience that was.
It’s not often that all 11 players play so poorly in the same game.
The man-of-the-match award was surely decided on a ‘least bad’ basis.
But the mood was sour before kick-off.
Giving a player the bird before the game and then greeting a simple execution of a skill by the same player with ironic cheering and applause was embarrassing, rather depressing and definitely disgraceful.
I don’t understand the rationale of some ‘fans’. Do they turn up hoping the team lose and certain players perform badly? I would say ‘yes’ based on what I heard in D section of the main stand and from the kiddy enclosure of the London Road End.
Those expecting Posh to breeze through the Championship without enduring a poor run need their heads examining.
Posh were the fourth best team in League One last season and have since sold their best player and main goalscorer and replaced him with a raw striker from Macclesfield and another from the lower reaches of Belgian football.
In a way Posh have been the victims of their own success in the first half of the season. The hard of thinking were led to believe that the play-offs were a possibility.
Instead Posh still find themselves nine points clear of Nottingham Forest (a top six Championship side in each of the last two seasons) at the end of January.
That’s a phenomenal effort to be fair and if Posh eventually finish 21st that would still represent a considerable achievement in my book.
But if you want Posh to get relegated continue ‘supporting’ in the same manner as Saturday.
FOUR-FINGERED magician Paul Daniels once threatened to quit the UK if Labour won the 1997 General Election. Sadly it proved an empty threat, a bit like Mario Balotelli’s I suspect.
Stop kicking opponents in the head if you don’t want to be persecuted. It really is that simple.
Is Balotelli any good anyway? He’s cool under pressure for sure, but I don’t remember too many outstanding displays, especially considering how dominant his club have been for much of the season.
He’s no Silva or Aguero. They would be worth the aggro Balotelli delivers, but the Italian misfit most certainly isn’t.
IT’S funny how the Carling Cup wasn’t important to Liverpool last season when they lost at Northampton.
Now they’ll have us believe that it’s a massive competition which proves that Kenny Dalglish has the club on the march again.
Not really. It’s only important because Liverpool fans surely know that deep down they have no chance of finishing in the top four of the Premier League.
That’s the only true sign of a team’s ability, especially one that has spent nearly £100 million on re-building.
I ENJOYED the new Andy Murray. He was as awesome as it was possible to be in defeat in the Aussie Open semi-final.
Having Ivan Lendl in his supporters’ box rather than his mum also improved the viewing experience. Long may it continue.
I REMEMBER the days when the first you saw of footballers on match day was when they ran out onto the pitch at 2.55pm.
Chris Turner and Jack Carmichael would have been reading the Sporting Life at 2.45 rather than charging about in endless drills, which to me appear anyway to be designed to prove the worth of fitness coaches rather than have any effect on player form. And they’d still both come out and play pretty perfectly.
And I’ve never really understood all this handshaking mullarkey before the game. If it’s supposed to increase the respect players show to each other and the referee during a game, it’s been a miserable failure.
Once the match starts players resort to trying to cheat each other and the officials for 90 minutes. If they can’t successfully con the officials, they’ll just berate them at every opportunity instead.
I’d scrap the handshake and stop pretending it has any meaning.
If we could then also scrap Adele, mascots and the irritating sight of three officials warming up on the pitch before a game (they should do their pre-match preparation in front of one of those eye-test charts you find in an opticians), the pre-match day experience would become more enjoyable.
Swanny’s fanmail: send yours to alan.swann@jpress.co.uk or @swannyPosh on Twitter
What rubbish! Dalglish has given Liverpool their chance of a first trophy in six years, they have a realistic chance of European football next year and he has the players and supporters on his side, something the previous manager never achieved.
Sure some of his signings are yet to come good, but remember we did pocket £50m (somehow) in off-loading Torres.
Any more doubts over his signings? Three words. Craig. Bellamy. Free.
Loey
I LOVE a good ‘told you so’ moment as well. Liverpool v Cardiff Carling Cup Final February 26, 2012. Tasty.
Brightstone
Why do Arsenal supporters both live and cling to the past so much? I guess we know the real answer as it’s all you can do when you have little or no future, just ask the Scousers.
Being an ex Shed-Boy from the Bridge, why would I swap what we have won and our history? Do me a favour.
Mind you, I do miss my visits to the library, sorry, Highbury. I never met such a bunch of moaning, boring, arrogant, opinionated and deluded supporters anywhere else in England.
If you wish to win a trophy try improving your ability.
The Emirates might be bigger and better, but it just means there’s more of them to moan, groan etc.
Blue to the ‘Core’,
Jim Palmer
Glinton
Mark Baker states: “It’s a good job us Gooners (Arsenal fans) weren’t so arrogant for the last 20 years,” before arrogantly telling the reader of their exploits during this time.
As for “Sheik Mansour’s money?” Wrong club. At least you can guarantee a wry smile at some ‘Gooners’ with Goon being the preceding operative.
In that vacuous space you have in your cranial cavity I urge only this, try thinking before you speak.
Anton Lang
I bet it took Graeme Souness and Gary Neville a replay or two to decide they would send off Balotelli!
How many replays does the ref see? Oh yes, none. TV should stop all replays, except to show goals. This way they would not be preaching to us, what we should be seeing.
Bamboozler
How ironic. Here we had Mr Souness condemn Mario Balotelli for his thuggish behaviour on the football pitch. Pot kettle and black spring to mind.
Mr Stilton
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Saturday 26 May 2012
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Comments
There are 4 comments to this article
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Impartial Observer
Monday, February 6, 2012 at 02:18 PMPandering to the knuckle-draggers again. All quite boring; couldn't you attempt some proper journalism rather than trolling? I'll bite, but just this once. Liverpool's net spend since January 2011, including amortisation and wages recouped is around ZERO.
Coledog
Wednesday, February 1, 2012 at 12:10 PMPending Moderation
redwhiteblue
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 03:47 PMSwanny, Liverpool lost to Northampton when 'Woy' Hodgson was in charge, HE obviously thought that the League Cup was beneath him and Liverpool, glad to say he lost his job shortly after.
Stevie G
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 02:08 PMAssume you mean Pietersen had been rendered "impotent" Swanny
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