Aside from all the greenies forcing global stats down our neck (hottest 10 days of May since records began in 1772, since you ask), the only other people getting hot under the collar are the employers.

According to a survey, workers allegedly skiving to enjoy the sunshine have already cost British businesses around £500 million in lost productivity, with almost four in five firms reporting a sudden increase in staff claiming illness.

The survey goes on to say that seven in 10 workers have been tempted to pull a sickie over the bank holiday week, which has probed consideration of the Voice Risk Analysis system being utilised as a way of identifying workers who tell lies.

Here we go again. It's pretty funny, isn't it? How we Brits just fall apart at the slightest natural disaster. Like, sun.

In Canada, they continue to run schools and businesses in the thick of snow storms. We get an inch of it and the country comes to a standstill.

In the United Arab Emirates, they swathe themselves in cool linens to protect themselves from harmful sun rays.

In Britain, out come all the, er, voluptuous girls parading their calf-arms and dimpled thighs in mini skirts and vest tops.

Watch and learn, Europe. In Britain, this is how we do it.

And I don't doubt that there are some people skiving to make the most of the global warming but I reckon most of the recent absence is genuine, purely because of British stupidity.

Everyone seems to think it's cool to screw sun protection and burn.
Voila, an easy-to-achieve lobster look, complete with raspberry ripple white strap marks. Come and get it, boys.

Well, last weekend, we had a barbecue. Now, I a) don't usually drink and b) had forgotten to eat anything all day.

Anyway, at 9.30pm, some three and a half glasses of wine later, I was hurling into my mum's flower bed like some 16 year old who'd just persuaded the sixth formers to buy her a few cans of Diamond White.

I then opened the fridge to get out the cakes (which my Nan had previously taken out), announced to my brother that we'd been robbed, argued with everyone, and then had to be undressed and put to bed.
Work on Monday? Wild boars couldn't keep me away.