The nine-year-old boy watched on in horror as the big cat made a meal of his bicycle saddle, but was none the worse for his chance encounter.

Cheetahs, as we all remember from our schooldays, are the fastest land animals on earth. They have teeth. They have claws. They are wild animals – and that includes three-year-old hand-reared, cuddles-loving Akea, who went walkabout last week.

The zoo was at pains to point out that Akea was used to humans and would never have attacked, likening him to a pet dog. I'm sure Akea is as tame as a wild animal can be, but even pet pooches have been know to attack, so I, for one, will continue to give a wide berth to any cat that's bigger than the average poodle.

Talking of pussycats... I was dismayed when it looked as though Lewis Hamilton was going to miss out on the Formula 1 crown. Then the cameras switched to the pits and Lewis's lovely girlfriend Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger and I realised he couldn't lose.

Being congratulated or consoled by Nicole would, I reckon, be an okay sort of experience.

Related:
Escaped cheetah: 'Akea's just a big pussycat', 30th October.


I wandered into Waterstone's on Bridge Street last Thursday and was shocked to see TV's Richard Madeley. What was really surprising though was that there wasn't a queue of celebrity-obsessed punters wanting him to sign a copy of his new book. Richard seemed happy enough chatting to staff, but I wonder what he'd have thought if he'd seen the hordes that gathered for that obscure Italian architect when he was at the shop recently.

What have I let myself in for?

My Special Friend is off to a wedding show at Burghley House on Sunday. No doubt she'll come back full of ideas for our forthcoming nuptials.

We have provisionally decided the big day is going to be in May next year. So she has been badgering me to find out when the League 1 play-off final is, just in case Leeds are involved.

Before what few female readers I have left march in protest on Telegraph Towers, I'd just like to point out that I did tell MSF that our big day was more important to me than a "silly old football game'' (we'll get automatic promotion anyway).

But she insisted, so I told her the date of the Wembley final. "I thought there was more than one game," she said. I explained there were semi finals as well, but the dates hadn't been confirmed.

"Will they be before or after the final?" she asked.

Brunette on the outside, pure blonde on the inside.


The XFactor is hotting up, and former Jack Hunt pupil Aston Merrygold is emerging as a real star. He and his pals from boy band JLS have even done their first topless shoot for Heat magazine.

Aston was suitably thrilled, saying: "It's like a dream come true to open up Heat and see us there.'' Mum Siobhan was less impressed and revealed: "I had a few words with him (Aston) about it. He was joking about it, and I just reminded him of what it's all about."

Consider your feet well and truly nailed to the ground, Aston.


I find Jeremy Clarkson about as funny as Russell Brand, so it really upsets me to have to spring to his defence.

But the reaction to his joke about lorry drivers murdering prostitutes was ludicrous.

Comparing this to the Brand/ Ross episode is just pathetic. There is a world of difference between targeting one grandfather and cracking a joke about a generalised group of blokes who are big enough and ugly enough to look after themselves. His quip might not have been funny, but then neither would a world without jokes – good ones and bad.