Now I know why, he's really Harry Hill in disguise and has been busy filming a new series of his TV Burp.


Now Bill goes AWOL

THIS column has reported over the last two weeks the pathetic excuses used by Sam Sargeant to get out of playing rugby.

You may recall that Sam's dad, and club stalwart Bill, was going to have a serious discussion with his son about his commitment to the club after the lad had a couple of weeks off to work on his girlfriend's new nail bar.

Well if he does, I think it might fall on deaf ears, especially after what was revealed at this week's selection committee meeting.

Turns out that Bill himself is unavailable this weekend and his excuse is one of the best ever.

My informants tell me that he is away for the weekend in Scotland on a trip that includes puffin-watching on a remote Scottish island, and viewing a display of vintage fire engines with firefighter girlfriend Franca!

Only consolation is, he will definitely not be doing any decorating!


Jon's still a hacker

Despite spending over £600 on new golf clubs and all the gear, and about as much again on lessons, Jon Haymes the owner of Status Hair and Beauty in Yaxley, is still officially a hacker!

He played in a stableford competition at Elton Furze on Wednesday, and scored a grand total of four points!

His front nine consisted of nine straight blobs. The back nine was slightly better, two one-point holes, one two-pointer and 5 blobs.

"I think I need a few more lessons," he said in the bar afterwards.


Lions are Smit-ten

THEY obviously do things differently in South Africa . . .

Servais Smit, the Peterborough Lions hooker from Cape Town, was involved in discussions about the club's New Year's Eve party the other day.

Before he was asked for his opinion, he butted in with this little gem:

"Why are you having the party on a Wednesday? Surely it would make sense to hold it on a Saturday. You'd get more there."

I think the reply went something like: "Go back to sleep, you muppet!"